Forgive Me

I recently posted about the differences between my 4 Great Lent experiences. This Lent, my fifth, is starting out like none other.

For me, the beginning of the Great Fast always begins with a service on Sunday night (before the actual beginning of Lent on Clean Monday) with a service called Forgiveness Vespers. I am definitely no student of the differences in the various church services, but as far as I can remember it seems generally like any Vespers service with one big difference- there's a group hug at the end.

Well, not really a group hug- but you were intrigued weren't you?

At the conclusion of Vespers, everyone present lines up against the walls (or radiators!) of the church, forming a huge circle. I know what you're thinking. "This sounds a little too touchy-feely for Orthodoxy." Well, in one sense you'd be right, but keep reading...

Then, starting with the priest, we each go up to every person in the room and ask for his/her forgiveness. ("NOW you're sounding more Orthodox") You stand in front of your fellow believer and say, "Please forgive me, a sinner" and then usually cross yourself and bow.

The mere saying of these words brings humility to the soul. The bowing of the body brings even more humility- you are forcing your body to fall in line with your soul, making the whole person feel as one and connected to Christ, His Church and humanity.

I say connected to humanity because you are keenly aware in this service that all of your sin has an impact on Christendom- not only in an obtuse, spiritual way, but in a real one. My sinfulness has an impact on you. My sin has an impact on my sister in Louisiana. My sin has an impact on a grandmother in China. It affects humanity.

Humbling doesn't begin to describe it.

It is with those thoughts that we ask for forgiveness from every person in the room, some of whom we have never met.

The response from the other person is, "God forgives and I forgive."

How could we not forgive others when God forgives us so greatly? Easy to say, not easy to do. I don't forgive others for insignificant offenses, then expect God to forgive me for infinitely worse.

This Lent is different for me so far in that I was not able to make it to Forgiveness Vespers for the first time in my 5 years of being Orthodox.

This doesn't mean that Lent hasn't begun. It doesn't mean that I can't ask for forgiveness. In fact, it makes me realize that I need to seek forgiveness from God and those around me everyday, not just in that poignant service.

Please forgive me, a sinner.