And so it begins- again!

The Sunday of the Publican and the Pharisee- already?!? Wait- is Lent about to start? What month is it? Where am I?

Instead of "Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner," these were the thoughts rolling through my mind yesterday morning in church. I thought it was any other Sunday morning- like there is such a thing in the life of the Church- only to find myself at the beginning of my 2009 Lenten journey.

All Great Lents, I have found in my short 4 1/2 years as an Orthodox Christian, are different.

My first Lent I was so enthralled with all of the newness. The services, the darkness, the incense (even thicker and more pungent than normal) the prostrations, how out of shape I realized I was when my legs were burning after 15 minutes in services. I wanted to throw myself head-long into Lent, especially because I knew that waiting for me on the other side was not only Christ's Resurrection, but my own new life as well, through the Sacrament of Holy Baptism.

To be honest, my 2nd and 3rd Lents run together. One memory that is both sweet and bitter is our attempt to read the daily Scripture readings and a daily thought from The Lenten Spring, by Fr. Thomas Hopko, to Mom. Sweet because we were all sitting there together, Bible opened, reading God's word as a family. Bitter because we were embarrassingly inconsistent.

Last year was strange. I was pregnant. I was struggling with sickness for the majority of my pregnancy, and was not fasting. It was the first time that I realized that fasting is an essential part of my Christian life. I always told people, "Fasting is not about the food." And it isn't, in and of itself. But, denying myself something- and for me food is a BIG something!- truly strengthens my prayer and my understanding of my need for God. In saying that it's not about the food, I was essentially saying that I could just as effectively "fast" while still eating whatever I wanted. Not so much...

This year should be one of the most interesting so far, as it is my first Great Lent as a mother.

My connection to the Theotokos is stronger than ever in my new role, and I am exceedingly grateful for that. It will take her powerful prayers for me to make this time of preparation fruitful. Too often I have gone through Lent denying myself of certain foods, but not denying myself of sin. It is my hope that I can put off my Martha spirit and focus on "the good part." With that goal and a bigger family to take care of, I'm sure it will prove to be another memorable Lent!