Zoe is in tears. So am I.
Daily tally:
Hitting? yes
Pushing? yes
General sauciness? Oh, yes.
Kicking? Yep.
Corner standing- 3
Spankings- 3
Yikes.
It has been one of those days. I haven't had one of these in quite some time. Is it worse because I am pregnant, tired, and my patience is thinner than ever? I guess so. It's also the fact that parenting.is.hard. I have done some hard things in my life- this is by far the most trying thing I've ever been a part of.
I had that moment today where my kid- MY kid for heaven sakes- was the bully. She pushed, pulled, hit, and eventually kicked, this little boy today. Of course, HE was being a little angel. It would have been so much better if he was antagonizing her or SOMETHING! Nope. She was just being mean. I almost took her to our priest for her first confession- I needed to make mine too, of course, for my anger. After standing in the corner and getting a spanking, she went to the little bpy and said she was sorry. The mom didn't seen too impressed. Can you blame her?
I remember when Zoe was getting pushed around in the church playroom- I still keep a "hawk eye" on those kids when I see them in the playroom.
I know, I know. It's age...it will pass. Or so more experienced moms tell me. I cannot stand the obstinate disobedience that we have been going through lately, but I REALLY can't stand just plain, old rudeness.
I tell her, "We are kind to other people because we love Jesus, and Jesus tells us to love everyone else, too," or, "Mommy and Daddy have to obey God, and you have to obey us." I also try secular/social logic, "You don;t like it when people hurt you, so you shouldn't hurt other people," or, you have to be kind to your friends or they will not want to play with you."
I'm just making this stuff up as I go along. I mean, how do I know what I'm telling her makes any difference? or if it's sending the right message?
I don't think that every little thing I say will greatly impact her life, but we are at a whole new stage in parenting. I see her mimicking me constantly, yet I tell her to be kind and generous with people, and my temper flares up with her after 2 minutes of disobedience.
I try not to write this too often, but I am hormonal and feeling a semi-crisis coming on: Mom, I need your help! I wish you were here to give me parenting advice. How did you do it? Did you intuitively know the right things to say? Do I just remember all of the wisdom and none of the mistakes you made while parenting me? Does it get easier? (wait- don't answer that one.) And while I'm asking questions- how on earth did you always look so good and have 2 kids? Seriously.
I realize this is a little less upbeat than my usual post, but I thought I'd be "real" in the difficult moments as well as the joyous.
Lent is nearly upon us, so I hope to use this time of the Fast in practicing patience and love, being slow to anger and quick to prayer. I hope the same for you.
Just getting home and reading this. Claire, you're a great mom. I think parenting is like marriage, and someone told me back when that if you're not struggling at least a little, and often a lot, then you better worry something is deeply wrong.
ReplyDeleteSmart girls (and boys) argue. It's a fact of parenthood. I know it is very hard, but it means they'll be people that stand up for themselves and have resolve that will take them places. It just seems like toddler angst but, trust me, it's formative.
I think I spent a lot of time trying to relate every behavior to some biblical value, because everything else I had to say in defense of obedience seemed to pale in comparison. Now, I don't think it's necessary during discipline, and maybe in the context that a two year old understands it a little detrimental. She already knows God sometimes requires hard things of her. There are long nights and long services and physical involvement that isn't easy. All she needs to know now is God loves her. But how does she know that?
She mostly ONLY knows it when you reflect Christ. I don't know anything about parenting except this. I know it's what I have to try to do when I want to yell and am frustrated to the point of agony. What did Christ do when he encountered a frustrating situation? He disciplined and taught, but with careful measurement.
Also, you need to try to fully forgive her. I struggle with this all the time. I hold grudges against my children and anticipate bad behavior because of past experience. It's the worst, and makes me a really awful mommy sometimes. You have to let it go and remember that every experience, even when they act in disobedience, is shaping their hearts.
Zoe is a wonderful little girl. She's brighter than most of the kids I have ever met. She behaves much better, from my perspective, than most toddlers. She loves you, and you're the one that she interacts with the most. That means you get all the most fierce trials. Maybe it's a gift: you wouldn't want anyone else having to deal with her in her worst times. You are the one that has to deal with it, and you are the one that can help guide her through it.
I know this is hollow now, but a few years from now toddler-isms are going to be something you look back on and remember with some fondness. And then, you might see the formation I am talking about and how it was really a part of her growth and not all bad. For now, it's not easy. It's not fun. It's not the thing to focus on and worry about. Deal with it as it comes, pray, and love her as much as you can even when you really just want to quit. Let her know all the time how proud of her you are for even the tiniest obedience.
I'm praying for you, pray for me!